Innan mitt gig i Washington DC igår fick jag nedanstående mail från arrangören. Om ni inte orkar läsa hela så rekommenderar jag starkt att ni i alla fall läser styckena "Dresscode" och "Hecklers and how to handle them". Hur det gick? Skitbra. Bra rum (kanske 60 personer i en liten lokal) och bra komiker hela vägen igenom. Jag hade jättekul på scenen och publiken var ned på alla noter.
Comics must be there by 7:30PM or you lose your spot.
If running late and can’t make it by 7:30pm, call(DO NOT TEXT-CALL ONLY) Dawn MacLear 703-795-4214 to tell her to “please hold my spot I’m still coming--will be there at approx______”. If no call to Dawn by 7:30PM to hold your spot, your spot goes to a standby comic. DO NOT TEXT –CALLS ONLY.
Parking around Topaz is ridiculously hard to find, so if you are driving there, be sure to leave plenty of time in your schedule to “hunt for a parking space” and still arrive in the showroom by 7:30pm check-in time.
See attached documents…..
1. ”Topaz Flyer-Comics” ……has all the details you need to know about the show.
2. ”Topaz Flyer-Public ”…..has all the details the general public needs to know---this is for you to pass on to your family/friends coming to see you perform at Topaz.
Let me know if coming alone or bringing friends(if so give me approx headcount so can have enough chairs on hand for them-we have to request a certain number of chairs be put in room each week).
3-minute newbies must bring minimum 5 people to get onstage. All 5 of your peeps must be there with you physically seated in room at table by the stage by the 7:30pm check-in deadline so we can do an accurate Headcount. If you bring less than 5 people by the 7:30pm check-in time we cannot let you perform onstage.
The show starts at 8pm, but the downstairs room where we do the show is very small, so any family/friends coming must be there by 7:15pm or they risk not getting into the room. They can eat dinner there to kill time before show starts.
3. “Roll Call/Performance Order”…… has the lineup list of comics in performance order and the 3 standby comics.
Standby” slots: Since only 3 standbys, there’s a decent chance of getting on.
Comics on standby will be inserted at whatever spot the “no-show” person was.
Please open this document & fill in your “intros”, “outros” & your cell phone #(in case show gets cancelled at last minute I can notify you).
Please do this even if you are just a “standby”, so we are ready to plug you in in case of a no-show.
If your name is tricky to pronounce, please type in the phonetic spelling in (“ “) under your name so I announce you correctly. Don’t assume I’ll know-I’m a moreron.
Email the document back to me so I can print out & bring to show.
If you’ve played my rooms before I can use your last intro/outro if you wish-lemme know.
stage times are at 4 different levels next to your name on the Roll Call list:
-Green light when you start….
-Yellow light when 2 minutes left to go in your set (yellow always means “2-minute warning” light)
-Red light when you are done….wrap it up in 15 seconds or less and get off!
If you need to talk during another comic's set STEP OUT OF THE ROOM!
Brick Wall Backdrop behind stage:
there is a huge expensive antique mirror hanging on real wall directly behind fake brick wall so don’t lean against or hit the fake brick wall…you will jostle the mirror and knock it off the wall.
Destruction of Property:
Topaz is a very delicate place—lots of fragile breakable antiques. Don’t be a bull in a china shop. If you act like a wild animal you won’t be invited back. Don’t touch or pound on the walls. Don’t touch or pound on the ceiling. Keep your big-ass feet off the walls-we are getting scuff-mark complaints from the hotel. Don’t break anything. I get billed $ for any destruction of property so we need to be gentle!
“Everybody’s A Comedian” Joke Contest:
segment we do after each show is for NON-COMIC audience members only. Your non-comic friends can participate but you can’t.
No outside food. I’m not saying you have to eat the venues food, just eat your outside food OUTSIDE of the venue. I’ve received 2 warnings from the management, so they *are* watching us…
Gifts for Curt: Please no gifts-there’s nothing I want or need. If you want to show your appreciation you may donate a gift as one of the prizes to be given away at the “Everybody’s A Comedian” joke contest after the show. That’s what I do when I get gifts.
selling CD’s/ DVD’s/T-shirts/etc.:please feel free to promote yourself as much as possible—
just announce at end of your set that you'll be selling stuff after the show—
but must do the actual selling upstairs in the main bar room—not in the showroom.
There is a couch & table at the top of the stairs that is perfect for "setting up shop" cuz everyone leaving the showroom will see you.
You may also donate 1 of your CD’s/DVD’s/T-shirts to the “Everybody’s A Comedian” joke contest prize package—just announce that you are donating 1 at the same time you mention you’ll be selling them and leave it on top of the amp next to the stage. This is good PR for you and the show—everybody wins.
Remember to bring $ change in 10’s & 5’s so when they hand you a $20 you can make change
Plugging other venues: Ok to *verbally* plug in your intro/outro, but DO NOT distribute or leave behind any physical flyers promoting another venue.
If coming alone, please sit at “Reserved For Comics” table out in the hallway so we save showroom tables for audience. If bringing friends/fans, sit with them at one of the front row tables by the stage. Filling up the front row will encourage other audience members to sit up front…i.e., “hey it must be safe to sit up there”.
Having the front rows filled is what makes or breaks a show. Empty front rows = it will be a long, cold night.
Do not stand in hallway at bottom of stairs or in hallway immediately inside the room. Do not sit on stairs. Do not stand on stairs-keep them clear.
Standing/sitting there will block traffic. Customers & waiters need that route kept clear so they can get in & out when going upstairs for food/drinks/restroom.
Stay behind the easel and out of their way. It is also a fire code violation.
do not stand in the back of showroom.
do not stand in the doorway of showroom.
Be conscious of where you are standing and ask yourself “am I blocking the view of the stage for someone or blocking traffic aisleways for the waitresses?”
The waitress has complained about comics blocking the hallway entrance to the room making it difficult for her to carry large trays of drinks in & out of the room. If you are alone, please DO NOT stand in the room. Please DO NOT sit on the stairs.
Stay outside the room in the back hallway behind the easel where the 2 big glass windows are so you are not in the waitress’s way. The waitress being unhappy is not good for our show as the show lives or dies based on drink sales……
If you are the next comic to go on stage, come into showroom and stand against white closet “ELECTRIC ROOM” door just inside the room.
Baby Monitor is now out in hallway next to Dawn’s traffic light so you can hear the show and see the show(looking thru window) from out in the hallway so no need to be in the showroom in order to see/hear the show.
Watch the show thru the window from the outside hallway , not in the showroom-we need the showroom floor space for real audience
FAQ #1: Why is a comic genius like me on “standby” while some newbie-nobody gets a real slot?
A: The lineup is determined by who signs up first—first come, first serve. Not a talent-based decision.
FAQ#2: So why not just squeeze me in and let the show run over a little bit?
A: Unlike other open-mics that are in bars, this show is held in a hotel “meeting/function” room that will be
used the next morning for a 7AM breakfast meeting. We must be done & physically out of that room by
10PM sharp so the hotel staff can clean it up & get it ready for that early morning breakfast meeting.
Stage is a very small round circle platform about 40” diameter. Be careful—watch your step. Arrive early and test out the stage before the show to get your footing and a sense for how much room you have to play with….
TALKING talking inside the showroom during the show will get you banned-if you need to chat, step out of the showroom and into the outer hallway behind the easel or better yet go upstairs to the main bar so you are totally out of earshot of the audience in the showroom. Nothing more annoying than someone carrying on a conversation during the show, so don’t be “that guy”
WARNING : Read this carefully so no misunderstandings on show night-you will not be let onstage if you ignore this:
Men: NO hats , doo-rags, shorts, athletic wear, heavy chains, sunglasses, etc.
The gangsta-thug street look is not allowed. The hotel is threatening to shut the show down.
“Everybody’s A Comedian” joke contest at end of show is for NON-COMEDIAN audience members only
Future bookings: Please don’t ask me in person-please don’t call-all questions/signups via email only.
Phone calls asking about bookings will not be returned.
MATERIAL: No “inside jokes” or obscure references that only the comics will get. This alienates the audience cuz they are not “in on” the joke. This “we’re having a party & you’re not invited” vibe is bad for the show. We want the audience to be “in” on everything we say on stage.
If you cannot find parking anywhere, don’t abandon the show—you can still do a “Hit & Run Quickie Set” by pulling up in front of Topaz Bar entrance(smaller blue awning after you pass the hotel entrance larger blue awning).
Put your hazard flashers on, run in and left down the stairs. Grab one of the comics and send them outside to watch your car so no ticket/no tow while you do your set.
Tell Dawn or Curt you need to go on immediately cuz you are illegally parked in front of bar.
No videotaping allowed-not even of your own performance. Audio is ok, just no video.
We cannot afford to take up physical floor/table/chair space with multiple video camera equipment, tripods for people to trip over, power cords for people to trip over, etc. We need to save every square inch of this very small room for audience people to sit/stand.
If you want to purchase a video recording of your set you must use our resident videographer so we only have 1 camera taking up table/floor space. See attached “comics” flyer with instructions for emailing Dawn MacLear to arrange to have your set videotaped for you.
Must email Dawn before 2PM on the date of your performance to request a video recording of your set.
COST: $20 Cash due the night of your performance.
You can pickup your DVD the following week at the show.
DVD’s not picked up within 30 days will be trashed.
Ushers: need 2 people to stand by entrances(1 usher at elevators entrance by stage & 1 usher at stairs entrance by back of room) and coax/steer shy latecomers to empty tables in front.
Tell them “it’s a house rule that comics can’t pick on audience, so it’s safe to sit up front”
If you see a vacated table with empty bottles/plates/etc., please clear it off so it looks like a
a new fresh empty table. Since we don’t have a
designated “waiter” for our room it’s up to us to keep the tables clear so when people walk in
they see a fresh empty table and sit down to stay for the show. If they see an empty
table covered with plates & bottles they will assume it is “taken”, turn around & walk out.
OK to sit strangers with other strangers so we fill all tables up—people don’t mind sitting with
people they don’t know –1 big happy family.
Once all tables are completely filled up, then start sending people to the single chairs.
Roadies: Who can arrive early (anytime after 6pm) to help Dawn with pre-show setup and/or
stay late(til 10:30pm) to help Dawn teardown/packup/loadup?
If you can help with any of these, open up the attached “Roll Call-P.O.” doc and type in your name in RED CAPS at the top next to the job you wanna do and email the document back to me.
Heckling & how to handle it:
Problem: men get pissed off when they see their girlfriends/wives laughing at male comics on stage --they get jealous and that's when the heckling starts...it's all about sex
Solution: as soon as the heckling starts remind them that we have a post-show Joke Contest called "Everybody's A Comedian" where audience members (like them) get to come up and tell a joke so "you'll get your chance to have the spotlight but until then settle down & lemme do my job…”
Heckling is a cry for attention-let's remind them they have a chance to get that attention with our post-show “Everybody's A Comedian” joke contest...
After the show: Please vacate the room as quickly as possible and go upstairs to the main bar/lounge area so they can clean up our room & get it ready for an early event tomorrow morning
Looking forward to working with you maniacs!